Warning: Please do not attempt this at home.
Now that the pesky warning is outta the way, I wanted to share with you how my boyfriend and his buddy Kent took down a Magnolia tree in our front yard. It all began with a dream. That’s right. Just call me the Martin Luther King Jr. of landscaping. You see, I dream of a front yard that is the Halle Barry of exteriors. But the ground is severely sloped, the green stuff is all weeds, the trees are ill-placed, and the flower beds are non-existant. After formulating a plan & a design (soon-to-be-shared), I convinced my hot stud of a boyfriend to start our front yard renovation….beginning with tree removal.
This Magnolia tree was very tall (which means that it is very old) and is very sparse. The previous homeowners had chopped the lower branches off and the upper branches had never really filled out. (enter boob job joke here).
So Jeremy tied a long rope to the trunk of the tree (about halfway up) and convinced Kent to chainsaw the sucker. Note dangerous item #1 – the tree could possibly be taller than the yard is long. Note dangerous #2 – traffic is not rare.
The plan was simple. Kent cuts, Jeremy pulls…
Jeremy runs away from the falling tree.
The tree lands in the yard.
Thankfully the plan worked. I am really glad because good boyfriends are hard to find. Especially ones that look so darn tootin cute in camo shorts.
Dangerous item #3 – boys with chainsaws.
And while the boys pretended to be BoneSaw assessed the situation, I, like any blogger, walked around taking several pictures of…well, everything.
Dangerous item #4 – safety googles, what?
Check out that green fungus growth! Which reminds me of a joke…a mushroom walks into a bar and hits on the prettiest girl in the joint. She says “Listen buddy, you’re just not my type”. The mushroom says “Why not? I am a fungi!” Bada bing.
When the guys were ten minutes into the job of cutting the branches off the trunk, it began to rain.
But the rain was no threat to these boys. They loaded up the back of Kent’s four-wheel drive truck and hauled the branches back to the woods. Dangerous item #5 – Jeremy is halfway in the truck to “hold in the branches” when they go over the hill in the back yard.
Overall it was really fun to watch. A little nerve wracking…or a lot. Literally I was shaking in my New Balances. I had visions of the tree smashing through the house or Jeremy getting sqwished like a boob during a mammogram.
So now that you heard all about our tree-falling adventure, do you have any you would like to share? Maybe something went a wry? Or maybe you had daymares of tragedy or destruction? Or maybe it went all as planned but your boys aren’t hardcore rednecks and you had to shell out big money for tree removal? Do tell