I put it out there on Instagram. And now I just wanna talk openly about this dude.
So his name.
I had issues.
When Jeremy and I went into the hospital to have our darling fourth bouncing baby boy, we narrowed it down to two name options. They were Charles Gray (both family names) and we would have called him Charlie….or Knight Davidson (I became obsessed with the name Knight because of the meaning and because I think it was unique as a first name and David is a family name). Jeremy really liked Charlie and felt like Knight was more of a last name. We joked that if he came out blonde, he would be a Charlie and if he popped out with dark hair, Knight would be it. Well, low and behold, dark hair adorned his little head and my first thought was…well, I guess it’s Knight then.
The problem with the name Knight is that it has a silent K. And so phonetically it is hard for people to think Knight as in the honorable and brave dude in shining armor and not the dark time of our day.
Also my mom didn’t dig the name. And honestly, I care very little what other people think EXCEPT my family. I wanted everyone in my family to be nuts over the name but I get that it was odd comparatively. The weirdest name she used with her kids was “Katie” which at the time was a nickname and not a proper name. So wild-woman she is not.
So while we were in the hospital, I said to Jeremy I don’t think he looks like a Charlie but I get that you are still on the fence about Knight. And he brought up the name Max. It was a name I had originally suggested months earlier but we both turned it down because of the obvious “maxi pad” reference. Jeremy kept on saying it in later days but I think he was teasing me because it was always “Maximus” after his favorite movie…Gladiator.
It was about two in the morning on the first night in the hospital when I looked down at my sweet newborn and decided that if we didn’t make a decision soon…it wasn’t going to happen. Charlie was out. Knight seemed like it appealed to only me. And Max seemed like it was the only other name we could agree on….sortof.
I woke up Jeremy and said that I would be okay with Maxwell Knight….not just Max because I like “proper man names”. He agreed. And REALLY wanted to go back to sleep 🙂
We told our family and friends. We announced to the world. We printed out the birth announcements. I did all the normal things you do but inside I still felt this twinge of doubt that we made a mistake. Did I really just name my kid Max? Did I give in because of peer pressure? Since our last name Bower means a lady’s house…did I just name my kid Maxwell House? My brain went a little crazy.
I spent the next weeks going back and forth on the name. In private I would “try out” other names….calling him everything under the moon. I secretly still clung to Knight as my favorite. I cried to Jeremy a couple times that I just couldn’t FEEL the name “Max”. It seemed foreign somehow. Like Max wasn’t my baby’s name. But I also felt weird calling him ANYTHING else. I didn’t believe we made a mistake in naming him Maxwell Knight…but I just didn’t know what I would call my sweet ball of squishiness.
Then I put it out there on Instagram. Little did I know that ‘name remorse’ was an actual thing that A LOT of people go through. I felt normal again. Like a weight had been lifted (thanks you.) and just hearing so many other moms tell me that it was okay for me to feel that way made me do an ugly cry in a good way. The general consensus was…
1. I get to call him whatever the heck I want
2. he might grow into the name
3. he might not
4. either way #1 still applies
Oh how sweet it was! Jeremy had told me that we could call him Knight if I wanted but honestly he is a good husband and was probably saying that to be supportive. I needed to hear it from outside sources. And when so many virtual friends made me feel like I wasn’t being crazy, it gave me the confidence to think more clearly.
So now I call him Maxi Knight. I call him that majority of the time. Jeremy still calls him Max and the boys still call him Baby Max….and I am perfectly okay with all those names. I think the name suits him perfectly. I never thought we would officially change his name…I just needed to know what to call him and what I FELT fit him. And now I have that.
Sometimes Weston will call him Maxi Knight and it makes me smile. I love that it’s my own little version of his name. I love that there is peace in it now. I love that I have such a wonderful community online to call on when I am too much in my own head. And I love that there are no doubts now. My Maxwell Knight is probably going to have a million nicknames and some will make me cringe and some will make me smile and some will leave me head scratching…but in the end, he will always be mine, no matter what.
Also…this is my favorite picture ever 🙂
If you have ever gone through name remorse or changed a name or whatever, I thought it would be encouraging to others if you shared. I would love to hear your story if you want to comment. I know there isn’t a one-solution-fits-all for you mama’s out there…changing names, nicknames, waiting, etc….but that doesn’t mean you are crazy or weird or whatever…we are all just figuring this parenthood thing out…I say let’s do it together with no shame 🙂