For heaven’s sake, it’s only been 8 months. Not 8 years. Get a grip. 8 months is nothing. So why are you having an inner hissy fit about not being pregnant already. Don’t you trust God’s perfect timing? Don’t you want to enjoy what you have right now? Don’t you know that there are women out there that wait YEARS and YEARS to get pregnant? Don’t you know that thinking constantly about it doesn’t make it happen any sooner? You knew that there was no guarantee that it would happen right away. There are no promises about pregnancy. It is wild. It is a mystery in it’s own way. And wild mysteries don’t follow directions.
I mean, if you really REALLY want to make it happen…then do something about it…then let go and let God. Buy the stupid ovulation kit. Go find a obgyn that you trust. Talk to your loving partner in life. Pray. Silently dwelling on it does nothing but make you upset. And stop being envious every time you see a pregnant girl. It’s awkward to stare. And stop snapping at everyone who asks you if you are pregnant yet. You were the one who opened your big fat mouth about pulling the goalie…and people are just interested in you…they care and may have nothing better to talk about.
God knows your heart. He knows what you want before you even want it. He knows what is good for you, and what is better for you. He knows what you can do, what you can manage, and why you need to experience this. His timing is perfect…not yours. He did invent time after all. And He also knows that you are pretty darn horrible at being patient. But don’t you think that the God whom gave you your love, your son, would also want you to stop focusing on what you don’t have and start appreciating the things you do? You have so much. so so much. Don’t you think that He knows it’s hard? He made you. He built you. He knows exactly what makes each cell of your body tick. But you will never get today again. You will never get to repeat now. So do this moment. Do your heart out in this moment.
And as much as you might say it, Will doesn’t need a little brother or sister right now…he needs you. He needs your attention and your guidance. He craves it while you are distracted with thoughts of someone that you don’t know yet. Enjoy him. Take all those lost moments and bundle them up and give that gift to Will. He will get way more out of that present than you think. The real gift will be your presence.
All that to say – it’s okay to want another family member. It’s okay to want to give your love to another. It’s okay to dream about it. It’s okay to make plans. Just remember that you are in a plan right now. It’s just one you don’t have all the details to yet. And for heavens sake, stop peeing on sticks. It’s getting expensive 🙂
xo – katie