I’m Failing

I’m flat out failing.

Seriously.

What with all the transitions here lately, I’m falling behind in every single area of my life – including dental hygiene – and feeling like the world is operating with a clock that is four hours too fast.  I wish I was kidding.

First of all – thanks for being such good friends that I can tell you all this stuff.

Secondly – how does anyone get anything done?  I mean…seriously.  I have zero time now that Jer isn’t home.  Jeremy’s job changed in the area of ‘location’ so now he has that two hour commute into and from work each day.  Before – when he telecommuted – we went to bed at midnight and I stayed upstairs and blogged from bed till two in my blanket tent.  That’s right.  I had a 2 am bedtime every night.  And it worked.  Mostly because Will was still waking up every night at least once between the hours of midnight and 2 with a night terror.  Thankfully those screamfits (that will literally make a mother crawl out of her skin – I’m on my 258th skin coat already), well, they stopped.  But it was good to have such a late night bedtime because I could go in and calm him down.  Well, now Jeremy needs to be in bed and trying his best to be asleep by 10pm….because of his 5:30am alarm.  And he can’t do it with the laptop glaring in his face…or under a quilt.  And neither of us can fall asleep without the other person…it’s a sickness called marriage.

Jer being gone in the morning means that he can’t wake up with Will and feed him breakfast – giving me an extra hour in the mornings.  So instead of waking up at 8 – now I am up at 7.  And Jer doesn’t get home till 7 pm.  I shouldn’t complain because I know this could be worse…but that means twelve straight hours of toddler-dom.  And I don’t like my kid that much…yup…parent of the year…right. here.  But it’s true.  I love Will…he’s funny and good and everything I would want him to be…but I don’t play the way he wants sometimes…and I don’t have the energy to keep up….and I wanna just pull out my iphone and get a break by hitting up my blog reader…or take a shower…or anything that doesn’t involve Matchbox cars or stacking blocks or balls or jumping.  Always with the jumping.  I wanna get something done.  I wanna go to the grocery store without the chance of a complete meltdown.  I wanna take a nap.  I wanna be able to walk barefoot in my house without having crumbs or sand or random pebbles from Will’s ‘collection’ stick to my toes.

So basically I am failing as a mom.  I lose my patience.  I yell.  I put him in time-out seven times yesterday.  I fed him a lunch of french fries two days ago and dinner today was a hardboiled egg and a burned crescent roll.  At Walmart, I went to change his diaper only to realize that I forgot to restock the diaper bag and had to fashion one in the back of the car out of the emergency duct tape and some Chickfila napkins.  And even with being with me 24/7, he still only wants Jeremy to kiss his boo-boos.

On top of that – my house is literally a disaster zone.  I expect the President to send in the troops any minute just to contain the chaos.  Will ate a piece of old banana that was on the kitchen floor because he was hungry and tired of waiting for me to slice cheese for him.  And during a post-creek Mommy-Will bath, the little man pushed the jet button before the water was high enough and black disgustingness shot out all over the bathroom and I have yet to clean it up.  That was two weeks ago.  Yes.  Failing.

Oh and the blog…forget about it.  I have probably close to thirty posts that are waiting for the photos to be edited, downloaded, uploaded and the text to be written.  Not to mention two shoots that are waiting on me, thank-you cards waiting to be written, hundreds of emails just sitting in my inbox and I forgot to do a very important giveaway yesterday.  So  yeah.  Failing.

And wifey stuff?  Yeah.  Not happening.  I procrastinate making dinner until Jeremy comes to me at 9pm and says things like “it’s fine – I love peanut butter and honey.” and then I feel so bad that I have to make him something more edible (also because we are out of peanut butter).  I call him as he’s sitting in traffic on the way home, most times I’m in tears, telling him how I’m not cut out for being alone all day…that Pinterest is the devil for making me feel inadequate, and that my sciatica is making my entire rear end numb…and that my pregnant sense of smell is so fierce that I avoided Will for thirty minutes simply because his stenchy diaper was making me gag.  Basically complaining to the point that there is nothing that he can say that can make me feel better.  And when he tries – I yell at him for not listening.  It’s not pretty.

Pray for me.  I’m trying.  I really am.  And I miss Jeremy.  It makes me wanna cry.  I don’t know how all the other moms do it…but I feel like I’m drowning…and can’t imagine how difficult it will be with a newborn too.  I am so so blessed and it’s like I can’t do right by my blessings.

Is it just me?  Please tell me it gets easier.  Pretty pretty please.

p.s.  On the flip side of things – my yard hasn’t ever looked nicer.  I get a ton done outside because Will is such an amazing independent player out there…also, I have finally mastered the ‘tone’ which gets Will to obey instantly.  It’s the best thing ever.  And we started bible craft times in the morning – basically the highlight of my day – but since Will doesn’t like to color longer than ten seconds – it can be challenging…but still – highlight.  Also – Jeremy has to shave every single day.  Holy porkballs – I could make out with that all day :)

Comments

  1. says

    I give you a high five for writing this. For putting yourself out there and being so incredibly honest.

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You are such a good mommy to Will. You have such a kind heart and raising a toddler is exhausting. Even though I am an odd one that loves to clean and organize, I have had plenty of moments just as you described. And I mean plenty. We are human. We are mommies.

    Don’t let pinterest make you feel bad. In fact, I love pinning your work. You are inspirational, don’t forget it.

    Sorry to hear about Jeremy. The hubs and I are the same, we don’t go to bed without one another. Ever. And he works so close to home that it makes for a sweet convenience that I sometimes take for granted and honestly couldn’t imagine life without. I can only imagine how hard it is on you both to adjust. Sending virtual hugs to you.

    Thanks for trusting in us and sharing the real deal. All of us bloggers should do more of that.

    xoxo,
    Jen

  2. AJ says

    This actually makes me feel better to know that you have days like mine. I seriously felt like you were describing my life. So ya, we totally get you Katie. You are not a bad mom or wife. This stuff is hard enough without all the crazy that we get from hormones. We totally get it. And if we don’t get as many blog posts from you because you have too much else. We totally get it. Lots of prayers, lots of love, and sometimes tears really do make you feel better.

  3. Leigh-Anne says

    You completely are not alone. It’s easy to think you are a failure as a mom when you lose your cool. I was so upset the other day that my toddler just wouldn’t listed. I screamed at her and put her in her room and she said…”Mommy, you’re horrible.” She’s two by the way. I was stunned, and sad, though now with the distance of time, I can find some humor in it. The reality is that no matter how together you have it, we all struggle. We all have our good days and our bad days. The great thing is that kids are very resilient, and despite our less than wonderful moments, we are still the center of their universe- at lease while they are still young. Hang in there, and thanks for putting this out there.

  4. Tammy says

    Have you ever thought of sharing some child care with a friend that has a toddler about the same age? You take her child one day and she takes yours. You have one day free to get all the stuff done around the house (*sleep*) that you cant do with a toddler and then a second day when your son has a playmate and might not need your undivided attention. Makes the week go faster too.

    I dont miss those days, I had three kids under 4 and I am not sure I remember all of it coherently (we had night terrors too) because of the lack of sleep/ proper nutrition/ showers that I experienced. Now my kids are almost all teenagers and I get no sleep for a whole multitude of other reasons. Plus Im getting re-married and have four step kids. So seven kids and a hubby-to-be who travels for work. Talk about crazy town.

    And just remember dirt will improve his immune system. So a banana from the floor or a goldfish cracker from between the car seats is actually good for them! ;)

  5. Erin says

    Oh, Katie, don’t worry. We’ve all been there, and the Moms that haven’t been there, just aren’t admitting it. Thank you for posting this, it makes me feel like we are not failures. The past couple of weeks have been rough around here too. Three kids under 4, a house we have lived in just a year, my husband is working constantly, and I’m exhausted. I know what it is like, but it does get better, you’ll get into a routine soon enough, and hopefully by the time the new baby arrives you will have a system. Good luck and best wishes. I’ll pray for you, please pray for me :)

  6. Christa says

    Hi Katie,
    I’ve never left a comment before, and I know you have a ton of other comments so my thoughts are probably just being repeated by 7686 other people, but I just wanted to say (a) You’re not alone, being a stay at home mom is a tough, tough job. I’ve been at home for a little over 3 years now and I called my husband crying all the time for a long time. Sometimes I still do. He doesn’t have a really long commute (1/2 hour) but he’s a detective/bomb technician/youth director at our church, so between working overtime on cases, getting called into work and doing youth activities often times it feels like we never get to see each other. But, like Jeremy, he’s a phenomenal husband and daddy, and we try to make the most of our time together, (and we try to include our family in youth outings). (b) My biggest fear is being inadequate. At anything and everything. So when dishes are in the sink, flour is on the countertop, and my 3 year old is playing on my iphone, it makes me feel like a meltdown is coming and I’m a horrible mother. You’re not alone. The verse that has helped me these last 3 years has been 2 Cor. 12:9-10 which says, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I actually have it taped it my kitchen cabinets as a reminder that when my strength is gone, I have Christ in my corner to pick me up. Lastly, (c) it does get better. Really, it does. I’m not saying that life is perfect and I don’t still have crying and frustration, but the feeling of being overwhelmed constantly gets less and less, and calm will make it’s way back into your life. I’m also the mom with 2 boys who constantly want to play trucks, jump, play in ANYTHING involving mud (which means double duty in the laundry room), and sometimes I don’t want to do those things. I have to admit I haven’t figured that part out yet, I’m feeling guilty about taking the time to write this comment because my child is entertaining himself, but it will be okay. You’ve got an army of prayers on here ;) He’s faithful and good, and I know you know that, but be encouraged.

    p.s.- Thanks for sharing. You have courage and I admire you for it :)

  7. says

    I’m not a mom but I can understand what it feels like to “fail” in life. I have no excuse and there’s many days when stuff just doesn’t get done so I can’t imagine what that’s like with a child too … and I suck at patience. You’re amazing and at the end of the day your husband and your baby love you. Every day isn’t going to be perfect. Every month, year, etc. isn’t going to be perfect. But keep on truckin cuz eventually you’ll feel better!

  8. Brooke Connally says

    I recently read this article from John Piper on motherhood. Its really worth a read. It encouraged me so much as a mom of a 2yr old and newborn. Also, remember that everyone will probably forget about us one day, and our blogs, work, etc. But your children are your legacy. They will live past you, and will have their own children. Its Gods design for you to impact eternity. More than a clean house, or creative mom, or money, Jer just needs his mom. No one can fulfill his emotional & physical needs like you can. Hang in there.

    http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank

  9. Ma-ma-ma says

    Here’s how I handled my third pregnancy (surprise!) when I was already crazy with two kids (3 and 18 months) and freelance part-time biz:

    1. Make a list of your top 5 priorities (these are things you absolutely MUST have/do)

    2. Make a list of the 5 things you can live without (what do you let slide most frequently?)

    Every day when you make your to-do list, put those 5 priorities on it. Then put one “wish list” item on it that you want to do. (Forget about those 5 things that weren’t important anyway). If you get all your 5 top things done, treat yourself to that wish list thing. Carry that wish list thing every day on your list until you get to do it.

    Why does this work? It makes you take life one day at a time, because that’s all you can do.

  10. Kim says

    Well, that was a well-timed post. I have been feeling the same way lately and horribly guilty for having these thoughts. I have a three year old boy, a 21m old girl, and a 3 week old boy. I work full time (although I’m on maternity leave right now). I know I should enjoy every moment of this time in my life but I find myself snapping at them and exhausted. My house is a disaster and smells of dog and old peanut butter crackers. Forget nutritious dinners. Even on maternity leave and watching food network all day, I can’t seem to get past the 5 regular meals in my rotation. And with baby #3 here and not sleeping at all at night, I’m starting to get the “I have done this 2 times before, I should be better at this by now” feelings. I guess this is just part of being a woman and a mother. Maybe we all secretly harbor these feelings?

    Thanks for posting,
    Kim

  11. marissa says

    Hang in there! I was feeling the same way last week. Honestly, thanks for sharing, it’s nice to know someone else is going through similar experiences. Commuting crazy distances is the worst, but I just have to keep reminding myself a job is a job and such a blessing even if its not exactly how (or where) I want it to be. Also, just saw your pregnancy photos…so cute! and I love your haircut!

  12. says

    Knowing other people have days/weeks like this makes me feel better. My house is a disaster zone. My 10 month old thinks it is more fun to lean over the high chair and feed the dogs then to eat himself. My 2 1/2 year old has decided that nothing I make is what she wants to eat. I do work so I get a break but then I feel guilty for working and not spending enough time with the kids. And then if my daughter acts up and I have to put her in a time out I feel like a bad mom because I wasn’t with her for most of the day. Thank you for sharing your life and letting me know there are others out and that it is hard to get everything done.

  13. Angie Lee says

    Thank you for that. You are not alone. I started those feelings when I was pregnant and had a 3 year old at home. I was also a working mommy so I didn’t have the “sick of my kid”‘ feelings until the weekend. Now that I have two little boys and I’m still a working mommy, yep, same feelings. I just know now that I have more good times than bad and my attitude could change for the worse or better in an instant. Just gotta get through each “instant”. My husband also works too much which I know I should be grateful for but some days are just harder than others and I know I gotta rely on the help of others. Good luck & hang in there from one mommy to another!

  14. says

    Katie-girl, Praying for you! I am nowhere close to being in your shoes, but I can definitely relate to having a significant other who works two hours away from home. My boyfriend started his job in January and I am still not used to having him working so far away – half the time he stays with his parents who live closer to his job. It’s really hard not having him around as much. Hang in there.

  15. alison says

    gym with childcare to give you a break (and take a fun dance class or walk) and will a chance to play with some other kiddos. just a thought. or a music class for will that he can participate in without you and you could read your blog reader. sounds like you need a break in your days

  16. Melissa Peterson says

    Take a deep breath and give yourself a hug from all of us. (that’s a trick my mommy taught me way back in the day, when she just couldn’t be there to make me feel better.) And remember that you are amazing and wonderful and a great mommy! And thank you so much for sharing all those parts of you with us. :)

  17. Alyssa says

    I had a bad day at work. Thanks for posting this. We all have bad days at work regardless of what we do.

  18. Bobbi Sue Hiber says

    Hey Katie…..found this today….thought you might get a giggle!

    A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found …an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel… She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, ‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?…
    ”Yes,” was his incredulous reply..
    She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.’
    :)

  19. says

    Thank you for sharing your feelings. You are not a failure! I so appreciate you being real about it. I feel much the same way, frequently. Something I’ve been trying to do is write things down on my calendar (I don’t have anything fancy) so I don’t have to try to remember them, and I also have been trying to limit my to-do list. Usually I have at least 20 things on it each day. I’ve been trying to limit it to around 5. It really helps me not feel overwhelmed!

    Also, I’ve decided I’m going to try working out at the YMCA in May. My husband works a lot of long hours and I need a break from our almost-3-year-old since she’s decided she’s not napping anymore. Our local YMCA is great from what my friends tell me, so I’m going to give it a try. Our budget is tight (you have mentioned yours is too) but I’ve decided that my sanity is worth fitting it in. Good luck!

  20. Kristen says

    My girlfriend, who is a pediatrician and has four small children of her own, said to me once, “There is a reason they have no memories from that age, you know!” I think that’s a pretty wise statement, actually. All you can do is put your best foot forward every day, and when you’re pregnant sometimes that best foot includes cereal for multiple meals a day and snuggling while watching cartoons.

    I’m in a somewhat similar situation to you (aren’t all 768 commenters?). My husband just WORKS 60-70 hours a week and we have a big ass house. If I am really, really honest, I would say buying the house was a mistake. Not a financial mistake, but more of a life mistake. I spend a LOT of time caring for this house and all the crap in it. It is gorgeous and I envision my daughter’s wedding reception here, my kids inviting all their teenaged friends over, etc. But the price of these daydreams is that I give a lot of my time and life to maintaining what is essentially a pile of stuff that will someday be dust. I wouldn’t do it over again, even though I am “living the dream” as far as society goes.

    Pinterest and blogs and magazines give an image of home life that is just as fake as an airbrushed model on the cover of a fashion magazine. The caption for all the photos you pin may as well be, “This is what my life might look like if I didn’t spend so much time working on my blog.” Don’t compare yourself to something that isn’t real and isn’t achievable. Love God, love your people, do the best you can and forget about comparing.

    • jae says

      OR:

      *The caption for all the photos you pin may as well be, “This is what my life might look like if I didn’t spend so much time working on my LIFE!!!”*

      I’m sure pinterest would be a great thing for saving recipes or crafts, but I see so many people coveting what they want and don’t have that I feel I don’t need that in my life. I want to love what I have. And I do. Who needs to be perfect? Who needs to have “it all”?

      You’re not failing, Katie, you’re living life and sometimes it’s a bumpy mess but that makes the smooth ride so much better!!

  21. Susie says

    Hi Katie! It will get better, promise : ) I’m 26 weeks prego now, with a 20 month old at home. I thought I was going to die for the first 16 weeks. I couldn’t deal. I’d lie on the couch and my little guy would haul on my hair to get up and I could barely grunt. I felt sick 24/7 and got lots of acne (none of which happened with the first pregnancy). We are having a girl this time by the way ; ) Once your energy comes back you will start to feel like yourself again. Your patience will return as will “liking” your son ; ) Suddenly things will start to feel possible again. Getting together with other Moms and kids is so good for the soul – not sure if you have access to a play group once or twice a week. It really tires them out and makes them less demanding for your attention once you get home.

    Love your blog! Take it easy, take your time, inhale blessings, exhale gratitude, it’s allllll good : )

  22. Susie says

    Oh, Katie — I know these times so well. It hurts my heart to hear that you’re going through such a tough time right now — I will pray for encouragement for you.
    My fellow commenters here are so wise, so I’ll just echo two things that resonated with me:
    1. My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Cor 12:9
    and
    2. Kristen (above) is a wise lady — she said “Love God, love your people, do the best you can…” That’s it — that’s all He asks of us.
    Hang in there, Katie — it will get better.
    Sending a virtual hug your way!

  23. Donna says

    Oh, Katie, it does get better! I am a mom of three, now ages 5-12. I have always been a stay-at-home mom, and at times, the feeling of isolation was unbearable. I too cried to my husband, felt short-tempered at times, my home was often a mess because I had no will to clean it. If you can get out of the house a little, maybe find another mom who wants to occassionally have lunch, something to look forward to OUTSIDE of the house, it will do you good. Later, your kids will keep each other busy. But you need a little help. The expression ” it takes a village to raise a child ” is so true. You are not a failure, thanks for sharing.

  24. says

    Kudos to you, both for putting yourself out there and for doing a better job than you know. I know you feel like you’re failing (I am totally with you on so, SO much of this), but I’ll tell you what my husband tells me: Being Mommy is hard. It’s harder than anything you’ve ever done and you, my dear, are doing a wonderful job. No one can do better by your little man–he misses you when you’re gone and loves you more than you realize.

  25. says

    Yup. Another. Comment.

    You wouldn’t know it, but you and I have been on a good ole Ross and Rachel “break” for a long while now. It’s not you, it’s me. ;). Your blog just always made me feel like a big giant ZERO because you just seemed so normal but yet extraordinarily great at everything you put your mind to do. I like to think I’m normal, too but I seemed to be failing miserably at everything. Then you went and had a kid and still managed to maintain your absolute perfection. Err. My kids are 3 and 1. I’d always held on to a teensy amount of pride because you and your bf were DINKs (dual income no kids), so of course you had the time, energy and sanity for all the stuff you’ve accomplished! Once Will came along and you were still cranking out amazingness? Frankly, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I’d see the latest BP post in my inundated inbox and just scroll on by. But then, by chance I took a peek. And there it was. Mrs. Perfect posted she was… failing. I teared up because I could have written a lot of it myself at any given point in the last 4 yrs since getting pregnant with my first. It is getting better.

    What’s working for me? I think a sensible/flexible schedule with afternoon naps, daily showers, good quality face-to-face girlfriends (Facebook doesn’t count) and mommy times out go a long way, but keeping my priorities lined up with my faith this year has proven to take me to a new place of rest. Seek ye first, right? Everything else seriously does fall into place. My circumstances haven’t changed a whole lot and I still get discouraged from time to time, but when I have peace and joy – “things” in general have a whole new perspective. I read a Proberbs31 daily devotion to keep my bearings. I read there once, “Comparison is the death of contentment.” I know the reverse could probably be said (something like “Comparison is the birth of great change.”) but generally, it’s just not good for girls to sit around and compare themselves to one another…so I took a much needed break from Facebook, blogging, blog-surfing, Pinterest and TV. I know, it’s not exactly feasible for you since social media is your livelihood but. I digress. I try to stay in the Word daily (with purpose, not just reading randomly to meet quota), I try to find time to pray daily, and I make sure to do a time of prayer and devotion with my oldest every night. Like I said, circumstances still aren’t ideal but I am happy knowing I’m at least putting first things first. He’ll give me the strength to do the “stuff” on the list. In due time!

    Wishing you the best in the rest of your pregnancy, a pain-free delivery, and pain-free nursing this time around. (Just read about your nursing with Will, btw. Nursed my oldest for 22 mos, the youngest 12 mos and counting. Knew I was blessed but your post took my gratefulness to a new level!) Continued blessings to you and yours!

  26. says

    Katie, don’t be so hard on yourself.
    You’re facing some major changes in your life, the baby coming, Jerry not working at home anymore, a sweet but demanding toddler… Anyone would be overwhelmed!
    You’ll do great, you’ll see.

    Lots of love

  27. Randa says

    Hi Katie,

    Already commented once but since so many other ladies mentioned crock pots, I thought I’d actually send you a tested-and-loved easy peasy recipe (use whatever salsa and broth are available to you): http://leftonamelia.com/main-dishes/shredded-chicken-tacos/

    The chicken tastes so good, we like to pick at it before even assembling our tacos!

    Found that lady’s blog through Erika of Urban Grace Interiors. I think they’re friends. :)

    Love to you!

  28. Jamie says

    Katie,

    You describe my life!!! Especially the barefoot sand/rocks/worms in the toes thing. I have gotten so much out of joining a mom’s group on Meetup.com. I know you live quite a ways away from a largeish town but it may be worth a shot. When I had #2 these Mamas brought me meals for an entire week!! We have no family in the area so it was very hard for us.

    I am going to be brutally honest with you: It is harder with a baby. Much harder. I am just starting to find relief and my second is almost 6 months. I had (still do) many days of tears. Just keep up with your doctor, family, friends, and know that there is help when you need it. Don’t be afraid to ask.

    But remember: Babies don’t keep. Let the house go. Hold your babies and love them and love yourself. Their eyes looking into yours makes all the difference. I live by this poem:

    http://www.scottsdalemomsblog.com/2011/01/31/babies-dont-keep-poem/

    Enjoy Mama…

  29. says

    Apart from all your awesome projects – this is why I love your blog. I love how you always keep it real. You’re doing a great job! Raising a toddler is hard work – I’m amazed you do all that you do. When my kids were younger I didn’t do half of the things you accomplish. Give yourself a break- you deserve one!

  30. Megan says

    Sing it sister. You are not alone, none of us are – it is nice to hear people be honest! If women could be more honest with each other, and less competitive, we’d all feel better. Hang in there.

  31. says

    I read your blog because you are such a real person. There are times when I read blogs not unlike yours where I walk away and think.. Wow! I’m such a loser! I am doing nothing crafty, I’m not making individual snack sizes of all of my groceries, I don’t extreme coupon, or get up 3 hours before my kids and work out. Heck I don’t get regular haircuts, haven’t been to the bathroom by myself in like 4 years now. My house is never clean, I don’t have some BHG worthy house done for 3 dollars off of garage sale finds. I don’t have anything painted gray. I sometimes think blogs are a double edged sword. On one hand your getting some good ideas, on another your in a place where your sort of comparing your life to others. And that can be bad. Your a good mom. The second pregnancy is harder because you have another kid. It’s funny how you realize how much time you had in whatever your previous life stage, because you always feel busy and stressed out no matter where your at in the cycle. Thanks for keeping it real. It takes guts to put yourself out there and hope others don’t judge you.. We aren’t.

  32. Jenni says

    This is why I read this blog (well I’ve got about 100 other reasons too). You are the queen of keepin’ it real. Thanks for articulating everything I feel on the daily and not making me feel so guilty for having those emotions, because someone else is too. You are thebomb.com and I believe even though it’s hard now, it’ll get easier soon and the joy you’ll have seeing the people your children become will be worth the pain of this and more. Keep your head up!

  33. says

    I love this mostly because I always think you are so freaking ‘together’! I envy all of your hobbies and projects not to mention your personality 100% rocks. This was nice to read even though I know you are in a hard place. Thanks for sharing and keeping it real.

  34. says

    Oh GOODNESS it gets easier. So much easier. (At least in this way. Then we get to deal with pre-teen emotions and relationships. WHEE.)

    But, anyway, I’ve been where you are. Literally. Years ago, I just knew I was a horrible mom. We ate like crap, because I didn’t have the energy or brain power to shop or plan meals, I “knew” I should be devoting more one-on-one time to my son(s), etc., etc., etc. Here’s the thing: Will knows you love him, and he will always know that. He will NOT remember the current, frazzled, pregnancy-exhausted mom you are right now.

    You are not failing. You are completely normal. More moms are in this state than anyone knows; we’re just too afraid to tell anyone.

    I’ll share the better with you, to give you that light at the end of the tunnel: Kids are 12 & 8. There’s still lots of building (Lego), jumping (outside), and constant GOING, but here’s the thing – I DON’T HAVE TO WATCH THEM EVERY SECOND. Oh my GOSH, the difference that makes! You will get here, too. One day at a time, heck, one minute at a time in the meantime, and you will be here. I promise. :)

  35. Collette says

    I LOVE YOU. Seriously. Couldn’t be sending more love your way right now. I love your honesty and courage and completely uncensored life story which you so graciously share as often as possible. You are real and wonderful and you make my heart grateful. Just keep loving and loving and loving. The rest will fall into place. MUAH XOXO

  36. Jen says

    Someone told me once, don’t compare yourself to other people, especially those online (pinterest) because they’re showing you their highlight reel, and you’re comparing your behind the scenes reel to their highlights. It’ll never live up to your expectations if you do that. Just take a deep breath and be preggers. :) Just be.

  37. Nightowl_72 says

    Let me start by saying: Take a breath, when you finish that take another. My best advice is to just “keep breathing”. Take life one breath at a time right now. You will get through this.

    I was a single mum to 3 daughters for the best part of 20 years from the age of 17. My oldest was very physically and emotionally demanding. I would call my mother crying and get zero sympathy, usually laughter. She’d tell me I deserved to have a horrible child because I was one to her. Please believe me when I say I know just how excruciatingly difficult it can be at times.

    I have learnt in no particular order:

    a) There are things you can control and things you can’t. Let go of the ones you can’t.
    b) You can only do the best you can at the time, with the feelings, energy and personal limits that you have at that time.
    c) You will not remember the unswept floor, crud in the bathtub, cereal for dinner etc. in 10 years time, 5 years time or maybe even 1 years time. But you will remember the feeling of having good experiences with your precious child. As another poster said “Babies don’t last”.
    d) Forgive yourself and allow that while everyone in your life is human and imperfect – So are you!!
    e) Striving for perfection is like beating your head against a brick wall. Whenever one area of your life is doing well, usually it mean another is suffering because you aren’t balancing your time.
    f) You CAN’T do it all. You might be capable of anything but it is physically impossible to be all things to all people. You must choose what is most important to you and do that first.

    Slow down and let your body tell you what it needs. Take some time. Don’t let other peoples expectations (or what you think they expect) control your life.

    Next time you would normally go on Pinterest (you know all that perfection is faked right?), go for a walk instead. I bet you feel better for it.

  38. Megan says

    Oh Katie, what a heart wrenching post. Thank you for trusting us enough to share at this level.

    I am neither a wife nor a mom yet but I have days when I feel like I’m failing at all the roles I have, too. But the reality is that we’re never doing as badly as we think. There is nothing wrong with PB&H for dinner now and then. And I can’t imagine anyone staying sane after 12 hours alone with a toddler no matter how much you love them. You’re human.

    One thing that helped me was scaling back my mental “to do” list. I realized I was adding stress to myself by thinking I “had” to do all these things. But I didn’t HAVE to. I wanted to, but I reached the point where I wanted peace more.

    That’s when I separated out what I really had to do to function and live – work, laundry, grocery shopping, pay bills, etc. Beyond that I picked two things I wanted to do and gave myself permission to put off the rest indefinitely. That included blogging, home projects, and even occasionally catching up with friends. (I didn’t stop, but I scaled back). It was a lifesaver. I stopped feeling guilty and frustrated and could be fully present in the few things I did make time for.

    You have many more responsibilities than I do with your son and husband but perhaps if you give yourself permission to scale back or lower your expectations in some areas it’ll take a bit of the the stress away.

    Whatever you do I hope you feel better soon. I don’t know you personally but from all I’ve read here and on YHL you seem pretty awesome to me!

  39. Ashley says

    I know I’m almost a month late on commenting, but I wanted to do it anyway. Katie, thank you so much for this post. Reading this was a real turning point for me. So much of what you said, was exactly how I was feeling. After reading your post, I realized that I wasn’t a failure, and I wasn’t the only one overwhelmed with life. Realizing all of that brought along a huge attitude shift for me. My husband and I own a restaurant, and we have a 7 month old baby girl. I take care of her all day and night, along with doing the booking keeping, and working in the restaurant on Friday and Saturday nights (and other times when I’m needed.). I felt like I wasn’t doing my best in any area. Mainly, I was just hanging on and trying to survive! I felt like maybe there was some magic secret to being a mom/business owner that I just hadn’t figured out yet. Then there was the guilt of knowing how blessed I am, but not feeling truly as grateful as I should. Knowing that I wasn’t alone in being overwhelmed helped me to change my way of thinking, and I have been so much happier. Thank you so much for sharing this with your readers. It was so brave of you to be so open and honest. I just wanted you to know that it really did make a difference to someone, and I am very grateful to you!

  40. Jennifer Sharpe says

    Finally! A mom that is brutally honest. Thank you. Your post really resonated with me and probably a million other moms (if they’re honest). My oldest just turned 3 and my other girl is 5 months. My toddler really tests me. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought the same thing about wanting to walk barefoot without feeling crumbs on the floor! I love her but there are definitely days that I do not like her! It’s just nice to know that others feel the same way. As they say, one day we’re going to miss this…!?

  41. Brynn says

    First time commenter- I have recently begun to read through your blog since finding out about you on YHL. Truth be told, I was getting jealous of everything about you. And then I read this. And I felt bad, but also relieved. I am a full time work outside the home mom, and I also feel like a failure sometimes/a lot of the times. But I also feel so blessed to have everything I have, which makes me feel bad for feeling bad about what I don’t have. It was a refreshing read and it is because of your honesty that I will continue to read your blog for a long time. Thank you for being willing to share such intimate details of your life.
    Love and blessings to you…
    PS Sorry this is so late to this post.

  42. Brynn says

    And also- you are NOT a failure.
    I love the supportive followers you have. SO much better than the nitpicking over which mothering type is best and such. All that does is bring us mothers down. As a whole. We should all strive to support one another. We could all use it. :o)

  43. Amy says

    I have been reading your blog for a few months now ( LOVE it!) and am always insanely jealous of your organization, creativity, faith, etc. I feel so inadequate when I am done reading but your blog makes me strive to be a better mother, wife, and Christian. I just found this post this morning and I am so thankful! It’s great to see that everyone has problems and we only see the “finished projects” most times. Everyone has a “bloopers reel” and sometimes we forget that. Thanks so much for sharing.

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