Laid Off
Day 1. January 16th.
First of all…calm down. I know. I know you are scared. I know it’s an easy place to go…fear. But at this particular moment, fear is not your friend. Ok. So the news is this…Jeremy came home today. In the middle of the day. Knocked on the front door and came in with his business clothes on…he lost his job. He was laid off. His entire group was. They all were told early in the morning. But that’s not the end of the world…there are a great many things that are far worse. And being fearful of what could happen does not mean that it will happen. Jeremy asked me not to talk about it on the blog yet. His official last day is not for a few more weeks…but he’ll be home starting tomorrow. I feel like I’m being dishonest though. I can’t help but fight that feeling. I always share everything…the good bad and ugly and now I can’t share one of the scariest and biggest events of our year. But I respect him. And I respect his wishes. I know he’s more private than me. I know this is not just my secret to tell. I know that he takes his career very seriously. And I know that he doesn’t want to see some strangers online discussing his job situation. He was the top performer of his group…and now, he’s home. This is scary. I just wish I could talk to someone. vent. something.
Day 3. January 18th.
Jeremy spent the entire day applying to jobs. over 80 in his area. all morning and afternoon. he put Will down for his nap for me. And when I asked him how it was going, he rubbed his eyes and put his hands into his hair…its something I’ve never seen from him…embarrassed frustration. I’m hurting for him. I know his pride has been thrown to the wolves. I hate to see him like this. And I hate to be responsible for being a breadwinner while we wait for the right position to open up. I don’t deal well with that kinda weight on my shoulders. But right now I have to. I just need to suck it up. Suck it up and be thankful we have an income and savings to fall back on. Thankful for healthy kids. Thankful for a solid relationship with Jer. And thankful that I believe that God provides.
Day 8. January 23rd.
Over the course of the past week, Jeremy has had two more interviews, applied to a lot of jobs and helped me get stuff done around the house…not much…but enough to feel productive. Today we revisited our budget. It was a hard thing…taking control of that in a different way…because we have always had a “fun money” – for eating out and shopping and now we have to cut back…way back. I honestly don’t mind not having that because in all honesty, we can still pay the bills and put food on the table and that is what matters. Thank goodness for all of you…you are literally putting a roof over our heads and feeding my babies. And thank goodness for Jeremy taking over the blogs sponsor ‘stuff’…I suck at that stuff…and he does all the emails now and posts all the new sponsor ads. He made our blog a money maker….that’s the business professional in him.
Day 17. February 1st.
Jeremy told me in the car tonight that he didn’t get one of the jobs he interviewed for. It was a big shock. I figured that it would be a sure-fire win for Jer but he said that he was ‘overqualified’. What does that mean exactly? Because I don’t think it means what it says. I think it means “unloyal”. That they believe he will quit the second something better comes along. It’s just hard to swallow.
Day 20. February 4th.
Jer’s big interview was today. I asked him how it went. “Ok, I think”. That’s all I could get out of him. I think he thinks he won’t get it. His confidence is so low. I need to do better to encourage him…boost him up…soothe his insecurities….but I am so tired. so drained. I’m staying up so late and working so hard…still trying to keep the boys during the day and doing all my blog and writing at night. It’s exhausting. And I want to be a source of confidence for him but it’s hard to focus on him too. That makes me a horrible wife, doesn’t it?! I just don’t want to let go of our routine…our schedule…because I realize at some point that Jeremy will find another job…and when that happens, I hate to go through that transition all over again. It’s just too darn hard. Plus, Jeremy is spending that time job-searching. His new job is finding a job.
Day 21. February 5th.
Happy Birthday! It’s officially my big day. I turned the ole 3-2 today. It was such a different and weird birthday. I never felt like an adult on my birthdays till this one. There was no big to-do. And I honestly didn’t mind. I kinda loved it. And Jer was amazing. He remembered that I never redeemed a gift certificate for a back massage that I got a while back…and made the appointment and offered to babysit both boys in the car while I was in getting my back rubbed. He found me a heart shaped rock….the only thing I asked for as a birthday gift. He made the cutest birthday card with Will. It had a picture of Mater and a million crayoned hearts. I love him. I love him so freaking much that it makes me wanna cry.
Day 27. February 11th.
Today sucked. big time. Basically I could feel myself being an irrational nag. I basically have to wake up, nurse Weston, hand him over to Jer who then watches both boys while I sit on the computer and do some blog work…converting everything over to a new server had some major hiccups and I still need to do a lot of organizing. And I love blogging. I do. But I love my boys more and I just want to be crafty with them and let Will fingerpaint and do flips on the rug and cuddle Weston. I say one little thing to Jer and he gets so upset…and I know its my fault. I know I shouldn’t criticize…that he is doing the best he can do…but seriously….why does the tv need to be freaking on all the time and why do I say the words “fruit and veggies” at every single meal and I know the only thing Jer serves is yellow, white or meat flavored. It drives me literally up the wall. And I know that it’s not the right time to say something…that I’m making him feel incompetant at a very sensitive time but it is SO upsetting. I am such a jerk. And a horrible wife. I don’t know how to fix this. I just want to go into my closet and shut the door and cry. errgh.
Day 34. February 19th.
Yesterday we sat down and talked. It was so good. Over the past week or so I feel that we are really healing. For a while it seemed as if there was a separation between Jeremy and I…a bit of a wall…him feeling like a failure and me feeling a world of pressure. And there was no laughter. That is like a sword to my heart when we don’t laugh together. I guess all the stress was prohibiting us from letting loose a little. So it’s been good. I sat down with him and he helped me come up with a manageable calendar and schedule. I am beginning to realize that while he’s home, I need to just do whatever I need to do to keep this roof over our head. I’m gonna be a hustler. I have to be. And I am okay with that.
Day 47. March 1st.
We’ve realized that we are not utilizing this time like we should. We are sleeping in too late. Cuddling the boys. We are not getting into a good routine. Not having a good schedule. I think we’ve been so ‘us-deprived’ that now that we have all this time together we are just soaking it in instead of getting anything done. It’s been helpful to have Jer here…it’s good for the boys…but we keep on saying that we need to start working more. We talk big. But at the end of the day we still don’t tackle more. We also got some bad news today…our health insurance stops today. We thought it lasted one more month but apparently the dates were wrong. So add that to the expenses. I guess that means I’ll take on some more sponsored posts to help pay the bills. Just part of the grind now.
Last Wednesday, Jeremy got a job. A really well suited job for him. A job he is passionate about. He will still have a very long commute (tragedy of living in the country) and will probably travel with this new position. I’m not thrilled about doing the whole single parenting thing but I’m thankful that God provided. Jeremy wants to be the breadwinner right now and although I would suck it up and do it, I am glad that our survival doesn’t depend on this blog. I like that I can still be a stay-at-home mom first and a blogger second.
Jeremy actually applied for this new position before he was laid off from his old one. Since most of the jobs that Jeremy qualifies for are higher level positions, the interview process takes a long time. Lay offs could happen to anyone…and thankfully we had squirreled money away into a savings account for such a situation. We had a couple very interesting conversations about other ways to supplement our income…the topics involved a book deal (I always turn these offers down because I’ve never been interested in one…but hearing more info was definitely interesting…and let’s be honest, who wouldn’t love to say that they were a published author?!), sponsored posts, monetizing the blog smarter, and learning how to spend money to make money. We did set up quite a few sponsored posts for the coming weeks because we didn’t know what the situation would be for our main income so I do want to warn you that they are coming. If you are anti-sponsored posts, feel free to skip them.
Basically we had two months together. I don’t take that lightly. It was the worst and the best time. Jeremy and I are normalish kinda people…we fight, we make up, we see our imperfections, we love our kids, we love our home, we get scared and we are probably the most average folks out there. Going through this taught us a lot….that there are TONS of people going through tough job situations right now…that there are TONS of people who are struggling financially and that it takes a huge toll on your relationship, your marriage and even knowing what your own role is in your own home. This could really happen to anyone. We also learned that having that emergency savings account was priceless. It was such a relief to know that we had some money to fall back on…thankfully we didn’t need to touch it thanks to my income and a severence package but just knowing that it was there helped with the stress levels. We also learned that we have big dreams…big ideas…and big responsibilities.
I am gonna take from this experience a number of things… first, I can be strong and I can be weak and it’s okay to be both. Secondly, I learned that I love my husband and if I needed to be the breadwinner for him to be home, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would hustle my little heart out. Right now that isn’t what Jer wants…so I’m gonna do my best for him at home. Maybe one day though we will be here together DIYing. And I also learned that I get a crapload of stuff done when I don’t have Jer to fall back on. He’s my ultimate distraction 
Last but not least, I learned over and over that God provides. He provided a better job for Jeremy than we could have wished for. He provided a lesson for us to have compassion and help those in need. He provided time for us all as a family. It wasn’t always perfect but having Jeremy here was a dream. God provided you…and I took it for granted that I have you all. I didn’t realize what good friends I have in you all…what wisdom you share with me…what prayers and encouragement you all give. Now that our big secret is out, I’m so happy to share a happy ending and I’m so glad that we can celebrate together.
Blessings never cease KatieB!!
NEVER.
Wow, Katie. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for always being so refreshingly honest about the good and bad in your life. Although I can’t relate to this post, there are many other posts that have hit home and I haven’t written comments about them. You probably don’t even realize how many people you bring encouragement to on a daily basis. Praying God continues to bless and take care of your sweet fam.
So relieved this post has a happy ending.
It felt as if I was reading and excerpt from my life right now Katie. I’m so glad it all worked out ok in the end for your family. My husband is still waiting for the job, so I’m still the sole bread winner. It’s tough and our savings are gone and we’re now using a credit card to help with extra expenses, but it just keeps adding up. Crossing my fingers he gets a job soon…
On another note, I’m not a regular commenter and wanted to say how much I love reading your blog. Keep up the great work!
Ugh, that sucks that he was laid off, but I’m so glad there is a happy ending! I know how tough it can be going from two incomes to only one. My husband’s military service ended in September, and luckily we knew it was ending, so he had interviewed at some companies and had a decent job offer. We figured I would have no issues getting a job, because I hadn’t had any issues any of the other times we moved (one interview each time, and bam! a job), but we were so wrong about that! It took me 6 months to finally land a job (I start Monday!) and I got the “over-qualified” rejection a few times. What crap. We also live out in the country and I think that’s what made the job search so tough. There isn’t much of anything close to us, and all the other jobs were 30-40 minutes away at the closest, and so many of them were for only 9 or 10 bucks an hour. Ugh. But God knows what he’s doing and the job I got is in the same town my husband works in, only 15 minutes from our house, and it’s more than 9 or 10 an hour, thank goodness, so the wait was worth it, even if it was very stressful!
It’s hard being a transparent LOVING person and not being able to share with your blog readers. I have to do the same thing with my family and my blog. I LOVE blogging. Thank you for sharing your journal, Katie. You inspired me to get all my crazy thoughts in a safe place. It almost feels like I blogged them, almost.
I’ve been reading your blog for years now and this, by far, is the most touching post ever! May God continue to graciously bless you and your beautiful family, Katie!! XOXO
Katie,
My husband and I went through something similar last year. He was laid off six months. We made major budget cuts, and we survived. It seems you’ve already found this out for yourself, but it definitely drew us closer as a couple. Our marriage up to then had been fun and easy. Fun and easy is great, but the tests strengthen you and draw you much closer, if you handle them with faith and love. I really appreciated reading about your experience, thank you so much for sharing!
Wow. I can really feel in some of your posts how hard and intense it must have been for you to bottle all of this up and not just rant to us blog-readers out here – so kudos to you for that!
I’m so glad that Jeremy has now found something that he really wants to be doing and that he can be back at work earning and supporting his family. God really does provide!
And congratulations on all pulling together and working through what must have been a really really tough time for you as a family. Yes, there might have been grumps and stress and arguments and less fun times, but it sounds like you’ve really depended on each other and grown from that. High five!
Good luck to you guys settling back into some kind of a normal routine, and good luck to Jeremy in his new job.
That was very honest. Honest is hard to do. I love your blog and am happy you keep sharing.
Katie- Thank you so much for sharing this. I am amazed at your strength. I started reading your blog in early December and did not notice a change in your energy or joy even though you were going through an incredibly difficult challenge. Praise God you have a happy ending and that you and Jeremy have come out united instead of divided! The part of your story that resonated with me was when you felt like a horrible wife. Oh man do I deal with that too! We are starting the process of selling our first home to buy a second and I’ve already had a melt down with my hubbie! there’s nothing more discouraging than feeling you are only discouraging your hubbie and not building him up. I was blessed to read this today and wanted to let you know that God has used this to encourage me in my current wifey-beat-myself-up-for-not-being-awesomeness. Thanks so much for this and every other post you write. I love them all sponsors or not.
I’m glad to hear that Jeremy got a new job! We’ve been through the same kinds of situations (BOTH times I was pregnant!) and you do learn so much about so many things through it all. I’m glad you got some time together and I pray that the new job will be a good one for you and the whole family!
My husband’s company was bought out after the new year, and we just found out last week that he will be losing his job. It’s terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I’m upset at how things have been handled, as the new company has been very misleading …. But I am hopeful! I trust and believe that this is part of God’s plan for us. I already see how he is working in us individually and as a couple. So – all of that to say….I’m totally sypmathizing with you right now.
Oh I feel you…Two months after my twins were born, my husband was laid off. We live in Silicon Valley and marketing was the first to go in the land of tech. Then a whole bunch of other stuff happened…long story short, my MIL was having a severe mental breakdown and taking it out on us, and I had two very close friends judge me and I had to walk away from them. This unemployment lasted for TWO WHOLE YEARS and my only source of income before the twins was being a part time nanny to put my daughter through private school. Then one of the twins was diagnosed with Autism…and that’s when I found you! A getaway for me…during his 4 hours of therapy a day and trying to make my other twin happy, I found Bower Power blog and for hours I poured over your old blog entries because it was an escape for me and made me happy, I could live vicariously through your projects and laugh out loud at your great stories. I think I even emailed you to tell you that. Fast forward two years, husband is gainfully employed and shooting for the stars in his career and I am DIY’ing away while my 3 kids grow. That tough time ended up bringing a lot of positive in my life. And Bower Power blog was one of them.
I always liked you and your blog, but I now have a tremendous amount of respect for you. That post was probably difficult to share, but thank you for doing it. It was so honest. I have been in a similar situation. I’m glad you all made it through.
Wow! I felt better reading your post. We too are having similar job/financial changes that have forced me to redefine my role as a sole stay at home mom to bringing in a sizable income to help support the six of us. My heart breaks that you had to go through this, but I know that the more muck life gives any of us, it will make us taller. As long as we stand on top of the muck and not get lost in it.
Hey Katie,
I am so very thankful to you for posting this story. I really identified with you and I loved that you were so honest and real! My boyfriend (soon to be fiancé) is considering a higher-risk job that pays more, but I think I’ll talk to him about staying right where he is. His job is rock-solid, and he could definitely get that other job, but they might lay people off after a couple of months when they have things under control. I love you for helping me see the light about this whole thing.
I am so glad that Jeremy got the job! Both of you are such great, down-to-earth people and I think that’s why you have so many blog readers that love you so much. I loved meeting both of you back at the YHL signing! I hope your little family is doing well, and I can’t wait to hear about the next adventure you embark on
Holy crap! I’m so glad everything seemed to work out in the end and that you were able to have some time together between jobs. xoxo
Glad there is a happy ending for your family here – that is so wonderful. Love your blog – sponsored posts or not – and happy to be ‘waving the Bower Banner’ over here in Oz
enjoy those beautiful boys of yours and hope the new job is a great one!
This hit close to home. Thanks for sharing. It made me feel much better that someone else was feeling the same way I am. I’m glad your story had a happy ending! Hopefully we will get our happy ending soon!
Wow. No one is immune to losing their job and for some, it IS a nightmare. Your situation was not. Yes, you sound like a nagging , selfish wife bitching about how loud the TV was. You work so hard “blogging” and you just want your routine back because the transition will be so “hard” when your DH goes back to work? I can’t even wrap my mind around all of your writing and your feelings and your actions. And you don’t want to be a breadwinner simply because…..waaaah you just don’t want to? Really?
Try having a full time job OUTSIDE of the home, kids, and your spouse being let go. Suck it up, do what you can to make MORE money while your husband is unemployed (without a severance package), and deal with that. You couldn’t. You don’t have the emotional fortitude to even be supportive of your husband.
Say what you want, but you know I’m right. You sound spoiled and entitled. And you may agree that you are, and I’ll have to say that those are two ugly qualities for sure. Good luck. I can bet 100% that your DH is exhausted from dealing with you. I’ll be finding other blogs for true inspiration.
Oh yes, I fully believe that I am spoiled. And of course, I can be naggy and selfish and emotional weak. I don’t want to be the breadwinner because Jeremy wants to be that. I want to give him everything that he wants. And I put up with a great deal of online comments but you are out of line to make any comments about my husband and how he feels. You are wrong.
xo – kb
Spare me, you don’t want to be the breadwinner because YOU don’t want to. You said that in your post. I’m not out of line – you put all of this online, despite your husband not wanting you too, because YOU felt the need to write about it. Sorry, if you have a public blog, you take the bad with the good. You don’t get to pick and choose. You certainly don’t have to publish my replies, that’s your call. But if you write about your husband and EVERY detail about him and his job, I have every right to comment. I think you’re missing the point of having a public blog. You just don’t get to pick and choose what and how people reply.
And your comment solidified my reply. I hit a nerve, and stand by 100% that your husband is most likely exhausted taking care of your blog, children, chores, and looking for a job. My husband does all those things, but not while he’s looking for a job, and not while I’m not working, and I am supportive. It’s really not that hard.
Well maybe the journal-type of post was not as clear as it could have been…it was just the highs and lows and definitely a very personal ‘diary’ type of writing…more to confess my flaws. And I think it is wonderful that you are supportive of your husband. He sounds great. So here’s the thing…you don’t like me…I get it…sometimes I don’t like me…but I would like to clarify some things for you. I’m gonna go in chronological order…I don’t want to be the breadwinner because he does and I want him to do what he wants. So in short, you are right and I am right. Jeremy wanted me to post about this after he got a job or after he decided he was gonna stay home. He read this post before it ever went live and I didn’t write every detail (there is always more than meets the eye!). You do have the right to comment…but for most blogs, the owner does get to pick and choose what goes through…so keep that in mind. Of course, you hit a nerve…I work really hard and don’t take that lightly…and am fiercely protective of my husband (as I am sure you are!). I believe it is crossing the line to put words in his mouth or to assume that you know how he feels about me. That’s maybe my southern manners…maybe it’s my mama-bear coming out…whatever you want to call it, you would defend yourself if someone said that about you, right? Also, Jeremy handles the blog ads…that’s it…I do all the inside chores, he does the outside ones, and we try to get as much family time as possible. When he was home, he spent a lot more time with Will and Weston but only had them both for two full days while I switched the blog over to a new server. I think being married and while working and raising two boys is terribly hard…so for you to say that it’s not, well you should have a blog and teach us. Seriously. I would be your first reader.
xo – kb aka lazybones
Wow, Liz. You must be a really unhappy or angry person to attack someone like that. I commented below that I just went through the same thing and felt like this could have been my diary entry. Everyone experiences life differently. Some people cope better with a stressful situation than others. I work a full time job and have two kids, but for me staying home with my children would be harder and more stressful on me…but that’s ME. Not you, not Katie, not anyone else. Everyone has the right to their own life, experiences and opinions but you are wrong to be so mean and ugly to someone sharing something that I know was very difficult for her to share. We had to cut out the extras, but made it through with savings and my income….and no, I don’t feel spoiled or entitled even though it sucked and was really hard. My husband’s pride was hurt as well because he wants to be the breadwinner. Newsflash: most men do! His pride was hurt, I hurt for him, didn’t know how to help, felt bad when I got upset or nagged him, etc. Don’t hate on someone just because you THINK you would have handled it better. Go be miserable somewhere else!!!
Liz,
How ridiculous (and bored with your own life) are you to think you need to criticize someone else’s way of living and thinking. Are you really that self righteous? Please. Like you understand every detail of this situation? It must be great to know everything. I’m sure your husband has a harder time dealing with you than hers does.
Katie,
I can totally relate to your recent situation. I appreciate you being so transparent about your life. My husband was layed off 1 month before our second son was born last July. As a family we were able to see God providing for us in such a practical way as each and every day a different family would bring food and daily necessities for us to live off of. God always provides! My husband now has an even better job but we feel so much more appreciative for what we have and compassion for others in similar situations. It was a blessing in disguise to go through such a challenging hardship. I love reading your blog and look forward to reading it every evening once we tuck our two boys into bed.
Jennifer
Katie I think you are one brave lady. I think it takes guts to share this scary moment in your lives, but I’m so happy that it all worked out. I hope Jeremy is enjoying his new job and you four are settling into your new routine. Keep on rockin’ girl! God bless you guys
God is so good. Happy to hear that everything is going well!
I’m so happy that things worked out for you guys and thanks for sharing! I love reading your blog…you guys are so…real!:) Thanks for being you!:):)
I’m not a frequent commenter, but bless you for sharing your soul. I wish your blog friends could’ve known so we could have been praying for you through that rough time, but I’m sure you have to ride the fence sometimes on what’s private & what’s share worthy. Your humor and faith is a blessing to us. Thank you for sharing your little story of grace!
Bless your hearts! I had no idea yall were going through all of that and I can’t imagine the stress! I agree though, I am way more productive when my hubby is at work, his off days i get NOTHING done! ha
The same thing happened with my husband. Unfortunatly we did not have enough spare money and had to apply for some govt help. Which was so embarrassing but a blessing. He also came home in the middle of the day and knocked. I knew something was wrong when he knocked. We did freak out, but in a composed manner. He was lucky enough to snag a job about 3 weeks in but it paid 25% less then his original salary. After scraping by for6 months he got a job he had applied for at the beginning of all this and is now making 25% more than his job he lost! It’s so hard and scary. Especially for being parents and homeowners. I am glad that everything is working out for you guys!
Three months after my husband and I were married he was laid off too… for 13 long, agonizing months…. I know the pain you went through- we all come out stronger, better people…. God is good!
So thankful that you shared. It is so hard to see your husband in that position. We had that happen a few years ago and after time, it’s easy to forget all that God taught me through that time. I was just talking about it recently to a friend. God has this ultimate map and we can’t even fathom it. But it’s so hard when you feel like you’re walking blindly. My husband and I worked at the same place. He lost his job, I kept mine. What a blow to his ego. We had the SAME job. A million times over I would have swapped places with him. So hard to see that. I actually started my blog during that time just to have an outlet for all of my emotions. After many weeks/months of interviews and resumes my husband got a temp job at an amazing company that is impossible to get into without knowing someone. Looking back, he would have never left his management job for a temp job. God knew he needed to lose that job in order to be open to a temp job. That temp job led into a full time job and then a switch of departments and a promotion. He honestly has such a great opportunity for advancement now and he’s on tons of committees with big players. Great to have that type of face time. It was such a dark time, but God provided for us. Every month we were able to pay our bills and eat and somehow when he finally had a pay check coming in our savings hadn’t been touched. How does that happen? Other than God providing for us. Sometimes I have to deliberately remember our “story” to refocus and remember what God has done for us. I’m sorry you went through the hurt and the pain, but God will use it!
I love this post! Way to be true to him and not blog about it, but still get your feelings out and share it later. You are amazing, girl! Keep on keeping on!
That’s Awesome that Jer got such a great job! My hubby’s been outta work for over a year. I hear you on your feelings of the weight of being the breadwinner. It is rough at times and we’ve struggled with the same problems that you guys did.
Glad to hear the happy ending!! God does provide well beyond our wildest dreams!
Ok, so I am an admitted blog-stalker. I read several blogs religiously, feel like we are all BFFs…but never comment. Well, maybe once on YHL when they were trying to decide on a color for their barstools but that’s beside the point. I felt compelled to comment now. I started reading this post last week, but couldn’t make it through all the way until today because I seriously felt like you had stolen my journal and these were my words. (insert Lauren Hill’s Killing My Softly here) My husband was laid off from his job last May when I was 26 weeks pregnant and threatening to go on bed rest. Crazy scary!!! He did not start a new job until our daughter was 8 weeks old. I have to agree that it was the hardest and most special time for us as well. I can totally identify with every. single. word. in this post. My daughter is 7 months old now, but this post did wonders for me to know that someone else had the same experience. Thank you for sharing such an honest post about an experience that can happen to anyone, but is never expected or easy. Thank goodness we had savings too. We are in the process of rebuilding those because we now know just how very important it is to be diligent about saving!!! A great lesson to share with all of your readers! Thanks Katie for being so real!
Am so glad it had a happy ending. Talented people always get placed, even if it takes a little time!