Today is my induction day. I’ve been trying to be patient but seriously, this day seemed to never get here. I am officially 42 weeks. 14 days over the due date. My doctor at my last appointment joked that if we went by my period and the ‘hanky panky’ date, then I would be 43 weeks…which is just crazy. Geesh. Longest pregnancy ever.
At least that is how it feels to me.
And gosh-darn, there are just so many emotions. I feel like I am experiencing them all simultaneously. ALL THE EMOTIONS. It’s weird. It’s exciting. It’s terrifying. It’s bittersweet. It’s happy and sad and everything in between.
One of my friends asked how I was doing and honestly, the only thought that came to my head was that I am really thankful that I have to kick the kids out of me….instead of the opposite problem.
Don’t get me wrong…I hate the fact that with Will that my body just stopped working while in labor…and I hate that my body never really started labor with Weston after my water was officially deemed broken…and I hate it even more that I waited around for my uterus to start with LJ and it didn’t. It’s very frustrating. I wonder ‘why’ all the time. I wonder why does my body not let things go. I wonder why can’t I just be one of those normal average girls with a normal average birth.
But then I start to wonder if such a thing even exists.
I wonder if every girl when faced with the unknown asks ‘why me?’.
And I think that is ok. I think we all get that privilege…that right…to throw a self-pity-party for thirty seconds….feel it in those moments and then to know that BOOM…you know it. you felt it. you grasped that feeling with two hands. maybe it was small or big or deep or fleeting…but you felt the ‘why’. And embracing it gives us empathy. it can soften you. it can make you more gentle and more understanding and more sensitive to others. not so that we compare our why to another person’s why…but so that we can connect with them…relate with them…support and LOVE each other.
Jeremy always asks me why I am crying. especially when it’s a stupid insurance commercial or we are driving past fields of cows or whatever. I always respond with ‘I’m just feeling it’. And the fact is…I do…I am overly sensitive. I feel it all. I hold onto that depth of emotion like it’s a Titanic wood door vowing to “never let you go!”. But the thing is, I’d rather feel too much than too little every.single.time.
Which brings me back to my original thought…I am feeling it today. I am feeling so overly thankful. And these past two bonus weeks have been nothing short of amazing. I am feeling heartache for you mama’s that just wanna bring your premie babies home from the NICU. You are pure strength. I am feeling thrilled beyond words to introduce my two boys to their new brother. Will is really excited…and Weston is gonna miss pinching my protruding belly button. I am feeling all of this and so much more. And I want you to know that I am really grateful for all the encouragement you guys have sent our way. You have been patient and kind and encouraging. And I really do appreciate it…from the bottom of my heart….
So now let me step off my emotional soap-box for a second and give you some more nitty gritty. I am going in later today to be induced and have an amazing doctor who is a huge supporter of VBACs. More than likely, this baby will be born within the first 12 hours…hopefully. He is in the right position (he was posterior for the past three weeks) and I have passed all three of my Non-Stress-Tests with flying colors. As of yesterday I had plenty of amniotic fluid, the heartbeat was strong, my blood pressure was good….everything that points to a good chance of a VBAC. That’s the goal…healthy baby first, healthy mommy second, then VBAC. In that order
The bad news is that I am experiencing SEVERE sciatica pain…worse than I’ve ever had before…even with Weston. It’s only been the past week but has gotten to the point where I am not able to walk more than ten steps or so before needing to sit or lay down. I definitely think it means that LJ’s head is in the ‘right’ spot so that’s the silver lining. I’m just hoping that I can make it into the hospital bed from the parking lot because it is a lot longer than ten steps
The great news is that I have done well with pain meds in the past…so hopefully when the time comes that the Pitocin is too vigorous…an epidural will knock out both the labor and the sciatica We shall see…
All in all…we are hopeful. Everything here is good…nervous and excited but oh-so-good. And basically in less than 24 hours, I will be holding my new baby. HOLY CRAP.
MY NEW BABY!!!!
And if you want to follow along with the birth, we are gonna try to update on Instagram @bowerpowerblog – this should feed into Facebook so MOM, YOU WILL NEED TO HIT REFRESH (don’t worry…I’ll show you how before I leave!).
Much love to you guys…and the next time I post, it should be with a pic of the newest little Bower! YAY! Kisses! Hugs! High fives for everyone! Fist bump blow it up!