The Gene Machine. 

Avoid it at all costs.

It will have you in tears.  And then you will want to slit your wrists after possibly downing a gallon of anti-freeze. 

Let me explain.  A Gene Machine is one of those little photo booths in a place of entertainment (we found ours at a local Dave & Busters) and it takes your picture and one of your mate and then produces a photo of your future child based on super-scientific facial analysis and structure graphing techniques.  

Let’s go back to the scene of the crime.  Jeremy & I had recently started dating.  I wasn’t 100% sure that this was a forever-kinda-relationship or a get-me-through-the-summer-kinda-fling.  Enter date night.  Jeremy was excellent at planning date night.  Often times it resulted in me getting to spend his money.  Dave & Busters night was no different.  I was addicted to the game where you hit the button when the flash of light is between two indicators.  Jeremy was shooting stuff.  My game had just spit out 308 coupons.  What can I say?  My super fast reflexes rivaled that of a Ninja Turtle.  And Jeremy had sufficiently cyber-killed the ducks or the deer or the animitrons that were threatening the survival of earth.  And that is when we spied the Gene Machine in the corner of the room.

Two dollars, three flashes of light and a few minutes later,  we were standing outside the booth waiting to see the genetic genius that was sure to result.  I was dreaming of a little Natalie Portman.  Maybe with blue eyes like my date.  

And that is when my world crumbled.

Jeremy asked “what the heck is up with that ear?!?!”

I started with a full blown panic attack.

Don’t get me wrong.  The kid is fine looking…it has all the right parts in all the right areas.  It’s not a cyclops.  But the child doesn’t look like me at all.  Not even 1%.  And then after I realized that it wasn’t me…that my electro-child didn’t resemble my face…I was afraid…terrified….to look over at Jeremy. 

All I could think was we need a redo.  now!

You can see our mood drastically changed from the first set to the second set. 

What didn’t change was our reaction to Baby Boy Bower. 

Seriously.  Where the heck did that nose come from? 

And that is when I started crying.