Gosh this is hard.

This morning hurt. Like go-chop-off-my-finger-hurt.

Jeremy woke me up by rubbing my back – he never does that. I turned to look at him. “Katie – your dad called”. He didn’t have to say anything more.

The question is – Why do I spontaneously combust with tears? Why today? Why is this so dang hard?! And it is…this is way harder than I thought it would be. I knew it would happen one day….I just didn’t want it to be today. or tomorrow. or the next day. I didn’t want it to ever happen.

Let me tell you about her…

Grandma loved to laugh. Every joke was giggled at…even if it wasn’t funny. It meant she loved you.

Once we went to a church dinner together. She leaned over and whispered “These old people are so funny – Do they not like flavor on their food?” She was the oldest one there. Then she giggled as she reached for the salt and pepper.

One time I kicked her when I had chicken pox. I was 7. It wasn’t an accident. But she simply said – “it’s okay honey, I shouldn’t have gotten in the way of you scratching”. That is just how she was…she saw the good in you even when there wasn’t any.

She would make the yummiest nut roll. Every time we arrived for a visit there was at least three full rolls for us to devour. Our other Mummum heard how we liked it and tried to make some for us but it wasn’t the same. I believe the secret ingredient was grandma.

Grandma was married in a navy blue suit. It had white piping and white buttons. She saved all her gowns from her go-out-dancing days. My sister and I dressed up in them one time. Grandma laughed and clapped and told us how to dance.

I like to think Grandma was a young woman trapped in a 91 year old body. I would tell her that she should grab her bikini cause we were going to the beach. She would say “are we going to pick up some fellas first?”. I think she was partially serious.

She had four boys. So obviously, it was a miracle that she never got mad at them. My dad said that if any of them acted out, she would deck em. Which is funny because she is the size of a 8 year old.

She also had a weiner dog at one point named George. Years later she would talk about George like he was another son. I think that she loved animals so much because she grew up on a farm.

Grandma was one of fourteen children. She would sit and tell us stories about playing in the fields and running to her papa when he came in to eat. She loved her family very much.

She had a pig head on her kitchen wall. It held the dishtowels. She would say to rub the nose for luck. I would rub and rub hoping that “luck” meant candy. It usually did. She always would chuckle at the fact that I saved some candy for my own daddy.

I can’t possibly share everything about this amazing woman. It would take days. All I need you to know is that time is whizzing by…so hug your family a little longer. On days like this when your heart is breaking, you will wish that you never let go.