Somebody hand me the box of Kleenex…

 I don’t know what losing a child feels like…but I imagine that it’s pretty heartbreaking…heartbreaking and horrible…and for some strange reason, the only analogy I can think of when looking at empty photos of our home is…well…loss.  not loss like a son or daughter.  my brain can’t wrap around such a pain.  but loss of a thing.  loss of a thing-baby.  sortof like handing over the fruit of my womb….if my womb was where the blood, sweat and tears, countless hours and backbreaking hardwork was formed.  it’s so sad.  and sortof makes me resent living in a new place.  and I love the new house.  but this was home.  our place of rest.  and family.  and love.  and so yeah…it breaks my heart a little when I see it empty like this.   

I miss our kitchen faucet.  I loved how the end pulled out and made filling pots easy.  I miss our subway tile backsplash.  It was easy to clean.  And I miss our easy dishwasher.  I still don’t really know how to use the new one…and I really don’t want to read the manual. 

We left the curtain rod hooks for the new inhabitants.  They were already in the studs and we figured that they aren’t that expensive to replace. 

I miss our mantle.  It was my favorite place to decorate.

I miss having finished rooms.  Rooms that felt worn in and comfortable…like a good pair of jeans. 

I remember this shot…this angle.  One of these days I will post these photos on the house tour page…so that everyone can see the old photos and the new photos…and the inbetween photos. 

We took my $15 chandelier from the dining room.  I don’t know why but I was very attached to that thing.  I think it is because it was a gift from my mom.  I can walk away from things I bought with my own money…but when it’s a gift…forgetaboutit.

The master bedroom looks smaller without furniture in it.  I promised a post on how we did that curtained wall.  It’ll come.  one day it’ll come.

I was ohsoclose to taking that shelving thing over the toilet with us.  It’s hard to find stuff like that.  But in the end, it matched the other hardware…and they belonged together.  They were a happy family. 

The dressing room is perfect for the new little girl that lives there.  She’s 7.

I miss this guest room.  We’ve had many a guest in there…many a fun/crazy/loved guest. 

And this guest bathroom.  Oh how I miss this bathroom.  I miss washing Will in there…seeing him splash his bathwater out onto the floor.  I miss seeing him smile at the little boy in the wood-framed mirror.  I miss battling him to see who would be more stubborn over the bathtub plug. 

But most of all…this.  I miss this.  Ohdearlord….somebody hand me the box of Kleenex…

Comments

  1. Brooke M says

    Katie-

    I read your blog a few nights ago along with the comments and it has weighed heavily on my heart. If I were in your shoes, writing a blog for all the world to see, and be criticized by something you have said would make me a very unhappy, negative person. I commend you on your controlled, tasteful response. I think that majority of your readers have forgot that you started this blog to keep your family updated on your wedding, and home renovations. (I am going on my memory for this) We readers are just priviledged to be able to be allowed into your life and read your thoughts and humor along the way. I hope that in your posts you continue to be yourself, and able to put aside the harsh comments responding to your thoughts and opinion.

    I am very fond of the change you are going through. You will grow to love the new house, and all the memories you create in it. Your old house will always hold that special place in your heart. I look forward to the upcoming posts describing all the new memories being created. :-)

    Brooke M.

    • Elena says

      Well said Brooke! Keep your head up KB. I have been reading your blog for awhile now and it has become one of my absolute favorites. Your photography has improved tremendously and is an inspiration! Keep doing what you are doing and good luck in your new (absolutely gorgeous) home. I will be here to read your adventures.

      May I also say that your family is absolutely adorable.

  2. says

    Oh man, seeing the pictures of the empty house made me sad, too! I can’t believe you left the Watson Creek sign! Yeah, that’s the creek behind that house, but still… you made that, for your first baby’s nursery! It would have been such great memorabilia for Will!

  3. Lexxi says

    Hey Katie,

    You are from New Jersey(I am from Philly) and we tend to run our mouth and not mean to say it that way. I can make you feel better with something I said YEARS ago(I think I was like 15 or something.) I can’t even remember who it was but I remember the scenario. When I think a little one is cute whether it be a child, dog, etc. I say, ” aww what a cute little monkey or little monk.” Let me guess what you will say? Nothing’s wrong with saying that right? Well I had said that the little kid was such a sweet little monkey(and I TRULY meant the kid was so cute.) I offended the parents who were of African American descent. OMG. Tail between legs. AND I TRULY DIDN’T mean it. I say that about anything that is cute. I get what people are saying, but they really aren’t reading your block and how you specified it. You are the best. :)

  4. Jackie says

    I read and enjoy your blog and, like a few others have already said, I think you could have chosen almost any other analogy for your feelings rather than the loss of a child. I realize you backed it up a little, but you did make the comparison. I hope you never have to know for yourself just how far off the mark you were.

  5. says

    Be so happy that it was your LAST move!!! You’ve got your forever house and how great is that?!? The Hubs and I have lived in 7 homes in six cities in 8 1/2 years of marriage and there is sadness every time I see my house empty. I understand how you feel and its a-ok to be sad about saying goodbye to the old and still be excited about the new. Don’t worry, your old house forgives you and the new one doesn’t blame you for your past love!

    Love the honesty and humor of this post!

  6. Kim says

    Hi Katie,

    I’m trying to catch up with some of your older blog posts dealing with the new house. I’ve just started reading your blog and lOVE IT!

    I knew exactly what you meant by this post and I would be crying too. This is not the same thing, but I cried the first night home with each of my newborn daughters (now 7 and 3) – because I actually missed being in the hospital with them! Is that crazy or what? But I had c-sections and was in the hospital almost a week with each one and got to know the nurses and just loved the nice little routine me and my baby had gotten into. I’m sure it was all the crazy hormones running amok, but that first night was really tough. I know it’s not the same as leaving your house and esp. not the same as losing a child (can’t even imagine), but there are different levels of hurting and moving for you is causing a hurt on one type of level. You know it’s going to get better and the new house will become a home before you know it. But for now, you’re missing the first place you made your home. My prayers are with you :)

    Oh, and by the way, I have to laugh when you talk about the lavender carpet in Will’s new room and how they tried to match each room and the carpet but it didn’t quite match. Because when I was a kid we got our rooms painted and I wanted LAVENDER – that’s right – Lavender! And we got new rugs too and guess what color it was – PURPLE! So yeah, I had the light lavender color on my walls and dark purple rug – yikes! But I loved it! And it was the 70s so that makes it ok, right?

  7. Kelley R. says

    You are one self important trashy b****. My Mother lost a child, I’m sure she’d love reading this pathetic excuse for “writing”. Go get a degree from a college that isn’t at the bottom of the barrel and maybe you’ll get a better grasp on the concept of appropriate analogies. I hope you never have to experience such a loss. Karma is funny that way. :)

    • says

      I truly feel sorry for your mother and for your family…I would never wish that loss on anyone…not even people that hate me the most.
      xo – kb

    • chrissy says

      She fully acknowledged to all of us that she was not equating the loss of this house to the loss of a child. I believe she called the house a “thing-baby”. If you think that is the same as a “baby-baby” then perhaps you need to take your reading comprehension skills back to school yourself and invest some time in your own improvement. That is always preferable to taking out your bitterness on others.

      @ Katie…your response was polite and restrained. I can’t say the same for mine. I wish you all the luck in finding a renter or buyer for your first home…the first home, if we really care about it and take care of it, is the repository for our dreams, our love and our time. It is where you brought home Will and is precious for all of that. I completely understood what you were saying.

  8. says

    Katie,
    Just got to say, I love your blog and your sense of humor! I love the way you express yourself. I totally “get” this post. My husband & I purchased and completely remodeled a home back in 2010. The very thought of moving and leaving our “baby” about puts me in tears. Your home is beautiful and you all did much work there to be proud of.
    We did not have children when we moved in to our home. We are now expecting our first but there have certainly been “things” in our life that have felt like (to us) our first love or child in the effort and energy we put into them. I know this was your comparison too…I get it!
    I hope things are going well with your family’s new addition. Looking forward to seeing more pics of your remodeled kitchen. You have been amazing doing SO MUCH of this work while you are pregnant. …and here I felt like big stuff just keeping up on laundry the first trimester! :) LOL

  9. Dayane says

    I,m happy to read your blog , Loved at the first time I read it.
    Can you tell me how did you clean the carpet? that big mess. lol

    thanks

  10. Tammy says

    I’m relatively new to your blog and I just love it. You are so honestly funny and it puts a smile on my face whenever I check in. God bless you and your happily growing family!

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