Coffee Table Book on Coffee Tables

Darn it if I don’t love that Kramer. 

He is seriously hilarious.  Equally hilarious is the entire cast of Seinfeld…maybe that is why the show was named the Greatest Television Program of All Time…by that little publication called, oh, the TV GUIDE. 

Here read this.  Hello Newman.  I come from a long line of quitters.  Yada yada yada.  You’re killing independent George.  I am Art Vandelay, I am an Importer/Exporter.  Hoochie mama!  These pretzels are making me thirsty!  I’m unemployed and I live at my parents.  I am freaking out! I am freaking out!  No soup for you!  Mansiere.  That’s right…a brassiere for a man.  There had to be a second spitter!  It’s a show about nothing.  He’s a mimbo.  It’s a festivus for the rest of us.  They’re real and they’re spectacular! 

I could go all day.  But then you wouldn’t get to see my coffee table makeover.  And that is real…and also spectacular.  Okay okay…not spectacular but decent enough to show to the few of you who visit me regularly. 

You may remember the state of affairs in the living room…

Yup – and right in the center of it all was a second-hand coffee table that had a little too much brown paint on it for my liking.

I know it doesn’t look that bad in the photos…but believe me, it was BAD.  like more obsene than some Christina outfits on the voice.  And that my friends can take your eye out.  I even make Will wear protective eyeware just to be safe.

I just thought that this table could be fun…funner than boring ole brown anyway.  And I really wanted to add some pattern.  Kinda use this thing as a canvas…or another version of fabric….just much harder fabric. 

So I took it outside and started my crazy plan.

I first coated it with this…it’s Zinsser’s Shellac Based primer.  It’s awesome.  It dries so stinkin’ fast that I usually don’t have to wait before putting on my next coat of paint.  Either that is an indication of how long it takes me to paint…or that is one fast-dryin-shellac!

Right after I was done, I hit up my stash of spraypaint to see if I had anything that was full enough to cover the entire table top.  Score…I had a can of Krylon in Pewter Gray.  So a quick coat on the top, followed by some leftover white paint on the base and legs…I had the perfect canvas for my pattern. 

Enter nighttime here.  And my camera doesn’t have a flash…

hence…no inbetweenie photos.

But you get the idea. 

I basically took an O stamp (all I had were letters) and formed little strings of 8′s up and down the coffee table.  I used the same leftover white paint on the stamp as on the legs and then after it dried a little, I took some sandpaper and dragged it across to make it look worn. 

Why 8′s?  Well, do you remember Will’s birthday?  Eight. 

And I liked the way it doesn’t exactly read like number eight unless you are looking for it…otherwise it just looks like circles or pattern…or strings of pearls (if you are going for a nautical based theme). 

I also like the way it helps lighten up the room just a smidge more. 

and it helps tie in the couch a little.  I could be making this stuff up, ya know.  I could have no clue what I am talking about.  I could be literally shooting pellets of lies from my fingertips in your general virtual direction.  I am.  It’s true.  Sometimes…like in the case of the brownish-coffee-table, I just wing it all…and hope it looks okay later. Basically that’s what I did.

This is for those overhead view people…

And you know that looking at these photos got me thinking.  Thinking about that trim.  Cream, ugh.

So I photoshopped.

Lots better. 

And of course the trim got me thinking about the toothpaste-colored walls. 

So I photoshopped again.

and again…

and again…

and again…

and again…

And then I got tired and stopped.  But the point is…isn’t it amazing how basically you start with an old painted coffee table and then you end up visualizing an entirely different room? 

Crazy.  Almost as Crazy as that Cosmo Kramer.  And that my friends is how you take a post full circle