Originally written August 3, 2009
My emotional overload is over. Well, not over. More like over-ish. semioverish. gotta leave room for the future 🙂
I think I may have come to the point where I have not only accepted the fact that a possible mutant child is growing inside of me but that I am happy, nay, excited about having a little dinosaur.
How did things change?
well, they didn’t. I did.
Like the other day I was driving home, listening to Garth Brooks (yes, I live in the south) and singing along. loudly. when I got struck with such a strong force that I was pushed back into my upholstered seat. no, it wasn’t that old lady who always seems to pull out in front of me. the old lady with the old white house across from the rednecks who have 9 delapidated cars sitting in their front yard. the same old lady that goes 7 miles an hour in a 45 zone. the one that I almost hit every day. it wasn’t her. it was a Godsmack.
I think that sometimes God has to reach down and smack me. It usually makes me cry. This time was no different. This time He struck me with something that I failed to contemplate. something that He wanted me to ponder. something that brought me to tears.
This dinosaur, my dinobug was not mine at all. Sure, it was growing inside of me but that didn’t make it mine. Just because I was the one that would be legally responsible when 18 year old Dino gets caught with a beer doesn’t mean that I am the owner. Just because I have to push this watermelon out my waterhose, doesn’t mean a darn thing. It is His. His dinobug. His child. His miracle. His gift. Just plain His. My body belongs to God, my mind, my crazy personality that I like to take claim over…all these thoughts, feelings, and dreams were created by God. And gosh darn it God copyrighted those suckers. And here, I am – a complete crybaby because I fear change. It was just the smack I needed. All of a sudden I could feel my heart losing a little bit of fear, a little bit of anxiety, and those holes were filled with gratitude for the ability to take care of this gift.
I will have to re-evaluate my terminology when Dino turns terrible 2 🙂 But for now…Dino is a gift.